You’ve probably heard of FOMO: fear of missing out.
But what about embracing JOMO: joy of missing out?
Or even having a personal policy that means you can stop saying yes to the things you don’t want to do AND not feel even slightly guilty about it?
Imagine how it would feel to say NO to:
- That “quick call” with a prospective client wanting to pick your brain about an idea? We all know they’re phishing for information so they don’t have to pay for the time. And that’s an hour of your day you’ll not get back.
- Volunteering at your child’s school fete. You don’t want to be mum-guilted into being there, selling crappy cakes baked with snot and hair. You’d rather relax on your weekend after working your ass off on your business all week.
- Participating in that five-day challenge. You know you won’t learn what you need to bring in the money. It’s another form of procrastinating.
It’d be a relief, right? No more people-pleasing!
If you’re fed up of saying yes because you feel obliged, let this be your permission slip to start saying no to more things. Then let’s get you a step closer towards embracing JOMO.
Learning How to Say No
My personal rule is that for everything I say ‘yes’ to, I then say ‘no’ to something else. It’s a bit like the one-in-one-out rule of buying clothes to avoid clutter.
But saying ‘no’ can feel like the hardest thing in the world.
I like keeping the peace and I hate letting people down. But my health and wellbeing are more important than making other people happy.
Fortunately, I found lots of resources to help me to learn how to say no, and here are a few of my faves.
Stop Giving a F*ck
Mark Manson’s amazing book The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck really helped me to understand which things are important to me and which ones I’m just doing because society tells me I should.
The secret to not giving a f*ck isn’t to say “f*ck it” to everything in life, but to the things that aren’t important to you. This gives you more time and energy to focus on the right things.
I’d thoroughly recommend giving the book a read, but this summary of the main points will give you more of an idea of the f*cking gold (sorry, couldn’t resist!) that Manson’s talking about.
Seriously, Stop Giving a F*ck
On a similar note, Sarah Knight’s The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving a F*ck is a cross between Manson’s book and Marie Kondo’s The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up.
It’s like learning how to spring clean your priorities and to “choose joy over annoy”.
The subtitle “How to Stop Spending Time You Don’t Have with People You Don’t Like Doing Things You Don’t Want to Do” really sums it up. When you put it like that, why would anyone want to spend their precious time that way?!
The book is full of great quotes and nuggets of wisdom that sometimes verge on the offensive by how accurately they call you on your BS.
Do What’s Essential
Greg McKeown’s book Essentialism discusses “The Disciplined Pursuit of Less”, which is a great summary of what I believe JOMO to be. McKeown urges us to do “less but better”, choosing quality over quantity in our lives. This means asking yourself “What is essential?” and eliminating everything else.
These 10 essentialism hacks will give you a snapshot of the principle and how you can apply it to your life and work.
Miss Out More
By saying no to the things that don’t light you up or aren’t closest to the money right now, you’ll actually have more time AND mental energy to pursue the most important things to you.
- Saying no to that “quick call” with a prospective client turns into an hour of writing time for your next blog post.
- Declining the chance to volunteer at your child’s school fete turns into a lazy morning without any time constraints, means you can wander to the school fete when you feel like it. Just remember to avoid the snot cakes.
- Saying no to the live training means that you can fully absorb yourself in that TV show, to the point that it feels decadently indulgent because it doesn’t happen often enough.*
It’s a bit like my 8 Weeks to OBM training. If stepping into your OBM expertise is something that you feel really strongly because you know it’s closest to the money right now, then say yes to that and no to all the other crap to make time and space for your personal development.
If the training isn’t what’s closest to the money for you right now, then say no and don’t feel even slightly guilty about that decision.
So go on – what will you be saying no to over the coming week?
And yes, this post has been written from experience.
Not sure if you have JOMO or FOMO re the training? Take my free quiz to find out. 👇🏻