Can we all just ditch the busy badge of honour and find balance instead?
I was clearing out my phone to free up space and I came across this meme:
And that got me thinking...
Busyness has become a badge of honour
Your to-do list is running off the table, you’ve got clients asking about deadlines, and you’re feeling frustrated that you’ve not even started the first item on your to-do list yet.
Plus, you’ve got to send invoices, post that birthday card, and organise the house.
You’ve over-committed and have no time to stop and think.
But, strangely, busyness has always been seen as a positive thing.
Here’s how the conversation usually goes:
Person A: “Hey! How are you?”
Person B: “Oh gosh, REALLY busy! How are you?”
Person A: “Yeah, busy, busy!”
And sometimes that works for a short while.
But what if being busy isn’t how we want to live?
What if Eleven from Stranger Things coined possibly the best phrase ever when she described her feelings as “halfway happy”? No matter how much we want to, we can’t have or do it all - something’s got to give. Or does it...?
Maybe you’re:
Flitting between too many things and spreading yourself too thinly
Feeling weighed down by the mental load associated with your life
Losing your sense of self because your roles as a worker/carer shout loudest for your time and energy
Becoming increasingly dissatisfied with how your life feels
Never switching off because there’s always so much going on
Maybe it's time to ditch the busy badge of honour, rethink our busy lifestyles and find a way to feel happier, balanced and more successful. Heck, maybe it's time to say no more and focus on quality over quantity.
rt alongside asking powerful questions that challenge clients to think differently and take action.
We're so busy we don't have time for the things that matter most
In a society that associates busyness with success, we rush from one obligation to the next and rarely take time for ourselves to relax or enjoy life.
With all our responsibilities as an employer/employee/carer/parent/partner, we spend so much time doing things for others.
Stuff we like and gain personal fulfilment from, sure.
But also stuff we are really good at but don’t enjoy.
Stuff we accept we have to do because it’s our job.
Stuff we feel obliged to do because we don’t want to upset people.
All of this matters because if we’re spending more of our time on energy-draining activities, then our lives will soon feel out of balance.
We lose motivation because life’s feeling increasingly boring.
We start resenting work because it’s becoming unfulfilling.
And it comes out in ways like stress, worry, anxiety and snapping at people we care about, all of which can be early signs of burnout.
“I truly believe that stress is the root of (almost) all evil and depending on which study you consult, about 80 to 90% of all illnesses are associated with stress.
As prevention is better than cure, I'd always suggest to work somatically, i.e. to involve the body. Our body has an innate wisdom to get rid of stress and tension and we can pro-actively nip many health issues in the bud and that includes preventing burnout as well as building resilience.” - Sylvia Tillmann, Tremendous TRE.
And we only get one life, don’t we? So let’s make the most of it.
Balance is key - find ways to make time for the important things in your life
How do you find balance in your life? It’s not an easy question to answer. Some would argue that the notion of balance just isn’t possible. But what if we reframed that as *your* version of balance?
In that case, finding balance just means making time for the things that are important to you. For some, that’s spending time with family and friends, being physically active or getting enough rest. For others, balancing work with personal time is key. No matter what works for you, finding balance is essential for your mental and physical health. So how do you go about finding it? Here are a few tips to get you started.
Step 1: Do a spot of self-coaching [free download available]
Take a step back and look at where you’re spending your time and energy - how much time are you spending on stuff that lights you up and energises you versus the stuff that feels like hard work and is draining? Are the scales tipped towards fulfilment?
👉 To help you with this process, I’ve created a Balance for the Busy self-coaching workbook - you're welcome to download for free to go through the quick exercises.
Step 2: Identify the important/urgent and don't be afraid to say no to things that really don't matter
The world won’t stop if you don’t immediately reply to the email that just came in. Btw - I’m a big fan of the “send later” button on email. It means I can reply to something when I see it so that I get it out of my head, but the recipient doesn’t get an immediate response… and this is super handy if you do not want people to expect an immediate response!
The school won’t close if you don’t volunteer time you don’t even have to help with the upcoming sports day.
The new connection you made on LinkedIn won’t hate you forever if you politely postpone their virtual coffee invite because you’re already overcommitted.
And your CEO friend won’t stop referring work to you just because you really can’t think of anything worse than attending their weekly networking group with superficial small talk and egos based on… you guessed it… how busy everyone is!
Side note: if you are a business owner and you need more work/sales, do yourself a little favour and don’t keep mentioning how busy you are on your socials. People won’t contact you if they think you’re already up to your eyes!
So look at your to-do list with fresh eyes and split your tasks into those that are urgent or important and those which can wait. Then if you’re brutally honest, you might even be able to ditch the ones left on the bottom. 😉
Also, I highly recommend this book by Sarah Knight* which is all about how you can stop spending time you don’t have, doing the things you don’t want to do, with the people you possibly don’t even like. Without a doubt, this is one of my favourite books of ALL time. Game. Changer.
Step 3: Make time to do something that energises you every day - even if it's only for 10 minutes
I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve seen people given prescriptive advice and specific steps on what this “should” look like.
Finding balance is not a maths equation: 10 minutes of meditation does not equal greater feelings of balance. It’s more of a science experiment: Test, analyse the results, tweak the method, and test again.
It’s about identifying what feels fulfilling and energising for you personally (not me, not your best mate, not your cousin half removed who insists cold water plunge pools are The Best Thing EVER) and doing more of what *you* need.
This could be:
Calling up a friend for a chat
Doing exercise
Playing Candy Crush
Booking tickets to go to a gig
Going out for the afternoon to watch the local ice hockey team (we love a family trip to see the Nottingham Panthers ⛸️)
Listening to an audiobook while walking the dog
Listening to music (honestly, I spend so much time working in silence that putting my favourite Spotify playlist on Alexa while I’m cooking in the kitchen makes me SOOOO happy)
When you're constantly on the go and juggling a lot of responsibilities, getting to the end of the day knowing that you’ve spent at least 10 intentional minutes on something that feels good for you will help you feel more balanced and rejuvenated.
And if your mental bandwidth is so limited right now that you honestly don't know where to begin, just download Balance for the Busy and start there. It's not about having all of the answers right now. It's about taking the first step.
Step 4: Be more present and in the moment by limiting distractions and monotasking
This is hard when we have conflicting responsibilities and limited time. When we’re at work, we’re often thinking about home, life admin and checking that notification ping on our phone. When we’re at home, we’re thinking about work… and still checking that notification ping on our phone.
Research tells us that the average person checks their phone around 100 times a day. That’s almost once every 10 minutes. I bet you a virtual biscuit that if you stopped constantly checking your phone during the day, you’d reclaim around two hours of your life.
My average phone usage last week was 2 hours and 36 minutes per day. PER DAY! Given that I do the vast majority of my work and life admin at the desk, I definitely want (not need - want) to reduce this. There is zero perfection here. It’s all about progress.
Progress for you might look like:
Switching your phone to “work mode” with only work-related notifications during work hours and then “personal mode” with zero work-related notifications in the evening
Committing to monotasking and working on only one task at a time rather than multitasking
Using an egg timer to focus on a task for a set period of time without any other distractions
Putting your phone out of sight
I recently bought a virtual SIM number which means I can have two mobile numbers without needing a dual-sim phone. I now keep my old/personal number for friends and family, and work contacts get the virtual number. Because all calls/texts to that new line come through an app, I have greater control of the notifications and how and when I choose to respond.
In summary:
Balance isn’t always easy to find. But it’s worth dedicating more time to exploring what this could look like for you so you can end your weeks feeling calm, accomplished and happy.
👉 Feel free to download my Balance for the Busy Self-Coaching Workbook here to identify areas where you can find more balance in your life.
Ready to explore coaching?
If you’re curious about what coaching could help you achieve, why not book a discovery chat with me to see if it’s right for you? No pressure, commitment or obligation. Just a conversation about where you are versus where you want to be and how we can bridge that gap.
*This is an affiliate link for Amazon UK and I may receive a small payment if you buy using this link. Don't worry though - it doesn't cost you any extra and I only ever recommend stuff that I love.