How do you deal with pressure at work and in life?
Most of us have a go-to mode when things get hard and pressure hits. A good starting point is to notice how you instinctively respond.
Maybe you push yourself to get everything perfect before you can relax. Maybe you keep quiet and put everyone else first. Maybe you rush through everything, or always feel like you need to try harder, or tell yourself you just have to keep it together.
Understanding that automatic response can help you recognise when it’s useful and when it’s actually adding to the pressure.
But these reactions aren't just personality quirks. They're patterns - known in transactional analysis (TA) as Drivers - that help explain our behaviour under stress.
Once you understand these drivers, and which one relates most to you, that awareness can help you to deal with the pressure you’re experiencing in a healthier way. A way that works for you instead of going against you.
What are Drivers and how do they relate to experiencing pressure?
Drivers are behavioural patterns we developed in childhood, usually to earn approval or stay safe. These behaviours largely operate unconsciously. You probably have no idea they’re happening.
All you notice is the stress and friction when you feel under pressure. You get the sense that something isn’t quite working but can’t figure out why.
Drivers come from the field of TA - a well-established psychological framework developed by Eric Berne in the 1950s and 60s, and widely used today in psychotherapy, coaching, and organisational development.
Within that framework, psychologist Taibi Kahler identified five specific Drivers. Most people have a dominant one, but a lot of us will recognise bits of each in ourselves.
The problem with these drivers is that what helped us navigate life as children doesn't always serve us as adults.
When we experience pressure, these drivers are usually what’s causing the stress. We’re not broken; we’ve just got stuck in a pattern.
The good news, however, is that once you can name your Driver, you start to have more choice about how you respond. Awareness is key.
Let’s dive into the drivers below and then, at the end, take my short test, and we’ll see which driver is most likely dominant for you.
Driver 1 - Be Perfect
If this is your Driver, you set exceptionally high standards - for yourself and often for others too – when you’re under pressure, that can be exhausting.
When your dominant driver is to Be Perfect, you:
are thorough
are detail-oriented
find it hard to hand things over (unless you're confident they'll be done to the right standard)
feel very uncomfortable about mistakes (in a way that goes beyond just getting something wrong)
The upside is that you produce genuinely good work and people trust you to get things right. Even under pressure.
The downside is that it's exhausting. Nothing ever feels quite finished, and the bar keeps moving. You might hold back from sharing ideas until they're perfect - which sometimes means they never get shared at all.
At its root, Be Perfect often comes from a message absorbed early on that your worth is tied to your output - that love or approval was conditional on getting things right.
Driver 2 - Be Strong
Be Strong is just that: you are really good at keeping it together under pressure. Which is great, right? We all need a Be Strong person in moments of pressure. But if you don’t know how or when to advocate for your needs, or learn how to show your feelings, it’s going to hurt you in the long run.
If this is your Driver, you
value self-reliance
find it genuinely difficult to ask for help or show that you're struggling
are calm in a crisis
are practical
find others often turn to you when things get hard
The challenge is that keeping it together all the time takes time and energy. And you might find emotional conversations uncomfortable.
Vulnerability can feel like weakness - even though, intellectually, you know it isn't.
Be Strong often develops when someone learned early on that showing their feelings wasn't safe, or that they needed to handle things themselves. In this Be Strong form, strength became both a survival strategy and an identity.
Driver 3 - Please Others
When the pressure feels heavy, you’ll still say yes, no matter what. You’ll put others before yourself. Before your own needs.
If this is your Driver, you're
attuned to the people around you
sensitive to how others are feeling
naturally inclined to put other people's needs first
warm and accommodating
often the person who holds a group together
The flip side is that you can find it hard to say no, to disagree, or to prioritise your own needs without feeling guilty. You might hold back your real opinion to avoid conflict, or say yes to things you don't actually want to do.
Over time, this can quietly turn into resentment or exhaustion.
Please Others usually has roots in a childhood where keeping others happy felt important - perhaps where approval was tied to being agreeable, or where conflict felt genuinely threatening.
Driver 4 - Try Hard
Challenges are where the Try Hards thrive. The pressure of a new project gives you energy, and you literally sparkle. We all know a Try Hard. And we all love that energy.
If this is your Driver, you're
enthusiastic
motivated
full of ideas
You love a challenge, and you throw yourself into things with real energy. The beginning of something new - a project, a goal, a plan - is where you come alive.
The sticking point is follow-through. Try Hard can make it hard to finish things, because the effort and the attempt feel more meaningful than the completion. You might take on too much, spread your energy across too many things, or feel oddly flat once something is done and the dopamine and sense of accomplishment have worn off.
This Driver often develops when someone was praised more for trying than for succeeding - where the effort was what earned approval, rather than the outcome.
Driver 5 - Hurry Up
If this is your Driver, you work fast, think fast, and probably find it annoying when things move slowly.
You're:
productive and efficient
good at getting a lot done in a short space of time
likely someone who hates wasted time
You might also recognise this when nodding along, saying "uh-huh, uh-huh" while someone else is talking, not because you're not listening, but because you just want them to get to the point.
Curiously, coaches are specifically trained not to do this. We keep verbal feedback and nodding to a minimum - just enough to show we're present, but not so much that we're rushing the other person along.
The challenge is that Hurry Up can make it hard to slow down even when you need to.
You might rush decisions, cut corners, or create unnecessary pressure for yourself - and end up making mistakes because you've moved on before something was actually ready. The constant sense of urgency is tiring, not just for you but sometimes for the people around you too.
Hurry Up often develops when someone has learned that being quick is valued, or when underlying anxiety makes being slow feel like being left behind.
Drivers under pressure - neurodivergence and a particularly familiar pattern
If you're neurodivergent - whether that's ADHD, autism, dyslexia, or anything else - there's a good chance some of these Drivers feel very familiar. Not just a bit familiar. Deeply, exhaustingly familiar.
That's not a coincidence.
Many neurodivergent adults spend years learning to adapt to environments and expectations that weren't designed with them in mind. The workplace, in particular, can be a place where you're constantly monitoring yourself - how you come across, whether you're keeping up, whether you're too much or not enough.
Over time, Drivers can become part of the toolkit you use to manage that.
Please Others keeps the peace.
Be Perfect means no one can criticise your work.
Hurry Up keeps you ahead of the anxiety.
Be Strong means you never have to admit you're struggling.
These strategies are understandable.
They've probably helped you get through some genuinely hard situations under immense pressure.
But they also have a cost - and in a business environment, especially, that cost can accumulate into burnout, self-doubt, or a persistent sense that you're always working harder than everyone else just to stay level.
This is the area I work in specifically.
I'm a neurodivergent coach specialising in supporting neurodivergent adults in the workplace - and understanding your Drivers is often one of the most useful starting points we have. Not to fix anything, but to make sense of it. Because when you understand what's driving a behaviour, you can start to work with it rather than against yourself.
So how can you deal with pressure differently now that you know about Drivers?
Knowing your Driver doesn't mean you have to dismantle it. Often, it's genuinely useful.
Be Perfect produces great work.
Be Strong gets you through hard times.
Please Others makes you a thoughtful, considerate person to be around.
Understanding why you do what you do isn't about fixing yourself. You're not broken. You're not unfixable. You're someone who developed certain ways of coping with the world, and some of those ways have served you really well.
The aim isn't to stop the Driver when you feel pressure and things get hard. It's to understand it well enough that you have a bit more choice about what happens next.
Some of the qualities that come with your Driver - qualities you might not even like about yourself - make a lot more sense when you see where they came from. And sometimes that understanding alone shifts something.
When you start to feel pressure, you’ll notice some physical and emotional signs like irritability, rushing, overthinking, shutting down or difficulty asking for help. Keep an eye out for them.
In practice, this might look like noticing when the Driver is running the show in a way that isn't actually helping you.
When do you feel the pull to keep going until it's perfect, because what does perfect even look like?
When do you hold back from saying what you think because you want to keep the peace?
How will you know when you've done enough? When is perfect actually perfect?
When have you worked hard enough to stop?
Am I creating urgency where there isn’t any
Am I putting more effort in because it’s needed, or because trying harder feels safer than stopping?
Notice the reaction, name the Driver, ask “Is this helping me right now?” and choose what you need instead.
These aren't easy questions, but they're worth sitting with. Because without some sense of what 'enough' looks like, the Driver just keeps running.
Awareness comes first.
Strategies for handling it follow from there - and those strategies look different for everyone.
That's the work.
Not fixing, but understanding - and building the self-awareness to respond rather than just react.
FAQs: How Do You Deal With Pressure?
How do I deal with pressure at work?
A good starting point for dealing with pressure at work is to notice how you instinctively respond when things get difficult. You might become more perfectionistic, rush, work harder, put other people’s needs first or try to keep everything together.
Recognising these automatic patterns can help you understand when your response is useful and when it might actually be adding to the pressure you’re experiencing.
What are the five Drivers in transactional analysis?
The five Drivers identified by psychologist Taibi Kahler within transactional analysis are:
Be Perfect
Be Strong
Please Others
Try Hard
Hurry Up
They are behavioural patterns that largely operate unconsciously and can become especially noticeable when we are under pressure.
Why do I react differently when I’m under pressure?
When you’re under pressure, automatic behavioural patterns can become more dominant. In transactional analysis, these are known as Drivers.
For example, someone with a strong Be Perfect Driver might become increasingly focused on getting everything exactly right, while someone with a Hurry Up Driver might begin rushing and creating an even greater sense of urgency.
Understanding your own pattern can help you recognise what is happening and give you more choice over how you respond.
How can I tell when pressure is getting too much?
You might start to notice physical or emotional signs such as irritability, rushing, overthinking, shutting down or finding it difficult to ask for help.
The exact signs will be different for everyone, but learning to recognise your own early warning signs can help you notice when one of your Drivers is beginning to take over.
How can understanding my Drivers help me handle pressure?
Understanding your Drivers gives you greater awareness of the patterns you automatically fall into when you’re under pressure.
The aim isn’t necessarily to get rid of your Driver because many of the qualities associated with them can be useful. Instead, you can begin to notice the reaction, name the Driver and ask yourself: “Is this helping me right now?”
That awareness can help you respond more consciously rather than automatically reacting in the same way every time.
Where this leaves you
Your Driver isn't something to get rid of - it's something to understand. Once you can name it, you've already started to loosen its grip on you.
Take the test above and see which one shows up most for you. And if you want to go further - working through how your Driver plays out at work, and building ways to handle pressure that actually work for you - that's exactly what coaching is for.
I coach a small number of clients at a time - neurodivergent adults across ADHD, autism, dyslexia and beyond - through Access to Work, self-funded coaching, or corporate programmes. No diagnosis required.
